I have a Target problem. (Am I a basic white bee because I have a target problem? Or do I have a target problem because I am a basic white bee?)
My friend and co-worker, Madre de Bueno (formerly known as “Teacher some number I forgot”) also has this problem. So last week when we decided to go on a target trip to knock out our various secret santa situations MdB came up with brilliant idea: we would challenge ourselves to only spend 25 dollars at Target. It seemed impossible, but we believed we were up to the task.
It was actually a perfect set-up. I had two secret santas to shop for, a work one and a friend one. I had $15 left to spend for the work secret santa and around $10 for the friend one. It would be eeeeasy to spend $25 or below.
We started our adventure at the dollar spot, the section of target that has $1, $2, and $3 items. IT’S GREAT. All my student’s token system prizes come from this section.
MdB and I found the only remaining Halloween item among the xmas stuff because we have Halloweendar.
Luckily, I was not tempted (because I still have target halloween stickers leftover from two months ago). Unluckily, we didn’t find a lot of good stuff in the dollar spot so we were forced to move on to other sections, a devestating move for the $25 challenge.
Next stop was target’s very small book section! Here we see MdB being an actual thrifty shopper and using the target cartwheel app to see if that cookbook was on sale (it wasn’t). And HERE we see me fucking around with these little sticky mirror things you can put on your cell phone case:
Those mirror stickers were TEN FUCKING DOLL HAIRS can you imagine.
Anyway, there was no great finds in the book section either so we moved on to the gift cards/gifts to go aisle. Where I found THE PERFECT THING FOR ONE OF MY SECRET SANTAS which I can’t tell you about because… they might read my blog? Goooood timing on this post, Me. What I can tell you about is this HORRIFYING price check item override nightmare situation:
It’s been 5 years since I worked in retail but this still stresses me out. Who put the nice expensive cards in the $3.99 face? Was it an employee who just had one more to put up and didn’t want to bother with the shelving in the back? Or did a customer take it out from on top and put it back wrong?!?! Either way that’s $11 that I’m gonna have to cost this company because I know that target has the same policy that CVS had that if it’s mis-shelved you get the price it was shelved at sob sob sob CASHIER NIGHTMARES
Anyway, the gifts to go aisle was a success! Including the $3 worth of stuff I got at the dollar spot I was sitting pretty at $12 left to go in my $25 budget. EASY.
So here where it all started going downhill. I’m not trying to SPILL ANY SECRETS but one of my secret santas said their favorite scent was one of the three items given to the baby jesus uPON his birth. Very holidayish, yes?! WELL I looked at and smelled at every damn candle in target and I did NOT find the right scent. I DID however find the OTHER smelly thing jesus received on his birthday:
but even if this WAS the correct smell it was a ~*~*~$15*~*~ flippin candle so, no.
My frantic candle search led me to download the cartwheel app to see if I could get a good deal on something I personally needed
The cartwheel app is USELESS. Once the idea of alcohol was in my brain it was all over. I mean, how can I really expect to go to target without buying a cube of wine? I was setting myself up for failure. MdB and I both realized that we weren’t going to meet the challenge of spending $25 BUT we were determined to buy all our secret santa gifts. And in that way, we were victorious.
Because I’m not a real writer, and I can’t even structure blog posts, the rest of this will be a list of funny things that happened while we were at target:
- MdB found a loose kit kat on the floor and offered me $5 to eat it
2. We ran into our friend, Algebra (I hope you like your blog nickname, Algebra)! AND a random lady who was ALSO secret santa shopping!
3. MdB had an ACTUAL FIT in the cleaning aisle about this special edition xmas scented soap.
4. “That doesn’t even LOOK like Jennifer Aniston! It looks like Jennifer Aniston photo-shopped onto Mary Kate and Ashley Olson” – MdB
5. We stood on the other side of the aisle away from the clothes section for a good five minutes convincing ourselves that we didn’t need to buy or look at any clothes
6. We found this adorable cookie jar but couldn’t agree on whether it was a squirrel or a chipmunk. IT’S UP TO YOU, INTERNET. SQUIRREL OR CHIPMUNK????
7. This youth shirt design which is weird EVEN by pre-teen girl shirt standards
8. Madre de Bueno took this sneaky snake photo of me at the peak of my mountain madness at the wrong jesus smell candle
9. And finally, we took this beautiful family photo
so in conclusion, spending $25 or less at target is literally impossible based on this one trip. THE END.