“I’m Too Hungover For This”: Plated Review #2 Peanut Noodles

I don’t think Peanut Noodles was the real name for this recipe but… Honestly I’m too exhausted from making this meal to go check.

Oh holy shit it is called peanut noodles

For the record, I was hungover making this but the true reason I could barely cook this was because I have literally been some level of hungover this whole week. I didn’t even drink that much last night (relative to, you know, the previous days of the week) but I think my body is just done, overall. Also, before you judgey mcjudgersons judge me know that this week included my 9 year anniversary with Michael, marching in a Mardi gras parade in the pouring rain (alocohol is a natural internal heat packet), AND parent teacher conferences. If I hadn’t gotten drunk every night… Well I’d be in better shape BUT AT WHAT COST?

So anyway.

Peanut butter, miso paste, spring onions that you should ignore because they’re for the wrong recipe i just have shit reading comprehension (shit reading comprehension is the theme of this post), that flat kind of pasta thats lin something, agave, soy sauce, red wine vingear, something called mirin?!?, a super small amount of ginger, seasime seeds, eggplant and bok choy

So at first I was impressed that the eggplant and bok choy weren’t individually plastic wrapped as well as being in a plastic bag BUT once I arranged all the ingredients for this photo I realized that Plated really uses a bonkers amount of packaging. I don’t understand how meal subscription boxes can claim to reduce food waste. I know they mean that less PRODUCE is wasted but is an abundance of organic food waste really the problem in our landfills? I’m no trash expert (joke about how I’m trash, just not an expert) but aren’t we more worried about… Plastic bags never biodegrading?!?! BUT I DIGRESS

I really do think that Plated gives simple directions but I honest to Cho had to reread step 1 like ten times before it made even a little bit of sense. Chopping the produce was no big, but WTF that ginger paste thing is bullshit. Why didn’t they just send ginger paste? Making it by hand was ridiculous, I gave up after a solid 5 minutes of smooshing salt and ginger bits with a knife. I was supposed to smoosh until it was a “paste” like consistency… Which, a) what the fuck does that mean, really and b) didn’t look like it was ever gonna happen by just knife smoosh. The directions said there was a hint on how to do this under recipe tips but the tips were like “make sure you cut up the ginger” UM THANK YOU I had figured that out. (It also creepily said “read through the whole recipe before you began, trust us, you’ll be glad you did!” Which made me feel like at the end of this recipe it was going to be revealed to be some sort of joke, or like maybe it would say in step 6 “HA you thought to had to make ginger paste by hand, what horse shit, check the bok choy, the paste baggie is hidden in the leaves” [that didn’t happen])

Bok choy rose!! 🌹🌹🌹

Despite my complaining, this pasta was delicious. Michael and I agreed that were we rich people who could actually pay for meal boxes, we’d pick Plated. Thanks for this box, Madame V!!

Even though cooking through this hangover almost made me explode, I give it 10 Tippys out of 10, as well as 1 beer which symbolizes how I’ve learned nothing and am gonna crack open a beer as soon as I post this. FUCKING CHEERS, MY LIVER

🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🍺

Greek Horiatiki (Plated Review #1)

Greek Horiatiki (Plated Review #1)

A friend of mine, who I will call Madame V for reasons that will make Madame V groan and regret everything, gave me A BEAUTIFUL GIFT: a free box of Plated, another rival of Blue Apron and the other meal subscription box services.

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Please notice our Grim Reaper in the corner, we love him

I’ve tried boxes now from Plated, Blue Apron, and Hello Fresh. So far, Plated has had my favorite recipes cards. Hello Fresh came with a lottt of extra paper fluff, but Plated was more simple.

It was also nice because I could show Michael big pictures and say WHICH ONE DO YOU WAAAAAAAANT

For the first night we picked the Greek Horiatiki because I like chickpeas. Michael, amazingly, said all of the meals looked good?!?! It was a miracle. Just based on this fact, Plated wins the meal subscription box war.

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This box was really into being eco-friendly where it could WHICH WAS NICE because dudes these boxes!!! So many separate plastic bags?! I’m sure these people are conforming to certain health standards but when a cucumber is vacuum packed does it also need to be in a quart sized plastic bag? If I was less OCD I’d reuse the bags but… you know. OCD. So anyway this box was lined with recycled… natural… fluff IDK. Good on you, Plated.

At first, I was like “ugh all the ingredients are mixed up, ugh” BUT THEN I remembered how Hello Fresh did separate boxes for each meals and how one box was jacked and how a box was also jacked for Teacher 3 and so clearly, based on two anecdotal evidenceseses the separate box sitch is fucked.

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A VERY SMALL amount of chickpeas, grape tomatoes, NASTY OLIVES that would have gone in the trash but I have trash friends who like nasty olives you know who you are come get these monsters from my fridge, a teeny red onion, yellow bell pepper, herbs that I forget what they were, hummus, two pieces of naan, red wine vinegar, feta cheese and super wrapped up cucumber.Β 

SO MANY INGREDIENTS. It was intimidating.

Honestly, I can’t tell if the Plated directions were easier or if I just am still so mad at Hello Fresh for giving Teacher 3 a free box for HER jacked meal and offering ME a FIVE DOLLAR COUPON for mine. But I did like them. HOWEVER, even more assumptions were made than in other boxes. For example, the oil was specified to be OLIVE oil, not any oil. I don’t normally buy olive oil because are different oils reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally different? And olive oil is SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE. But for some miracle reason I had a really small bottle of Harris Teeter brand olive oil so it got used. The ingredient list just said “olive oil” without an exact amount which was frustrating because I kept putting it BACK and getting it back OUT and thinking I’d run out, honestly EVERY. STEP. of this recipe required MORE AND MORE olive oil. Is this a Greek thing or a Plated thing?! I DON’T know. The last step involved warming the naan in oil and I was so confluffled that I just poured all the rest of the oil in the pan and I ended up with some soggy ass naan, that shit was my bad.

Also, I have a problem with using a lot of plates and shit. This recipe required TWO mixing bowls, AND a large pan. And so many different measurements! Β At one point, it said a quarter of a cup of red onion. Does this mean half a small onion? Do I really have to use up a measuring cup for this?

THE ANSWER IS YES I DO because look how far off I was:

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This doesn’t look as dramatic as it was in my memories

Anyhoo, this meal ended up being quite tasty despite my hesitation at what seemed like the fanciest of meal subscription boxes. There was even (a very small amount of) leftovers! A true meal box miracle.

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I give this recipeΒ 4 Tippys and 4 top hats for fanciness
🐒🐒🐒🐒🎩🎩🎩🎩_ _