I was so not interested in making this last recipe from my free hello fresh box. In fact, I started making it last night and I got as far as taking this ingredient photo:

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green onions, sesame seeds, cashews, rice, green beans, garlic, soy sauce and A VERY GENEROUS CORN as you will see later in this post. 

And then Michael was watching the new Spider-Man trailer, and I got distracted trying to figure out if Ganke was in it (he wasn’t), and then we watched another trailer and another and another and then Michael was like, “Do you just wanna order Chinese?” and Michael NEVER wants to order Chinese so THAT HAPPENED (not a good budgety decision but oh well). So I was all ready to just throw in the towel and re-purpose the ingredients. HOWEVER when I went to check the fridge I realized that all I had besides this last box was butter, a couple of brown bananas, and a bunch of old food that I really need to throw out. The pantry was, somehow, even worse. We have four boxes of pasta.. but no pasta sauce. And nothing even close to tomato sauce that I could maybe turn INTO pasta sauce. How did that happen?!

tomcollinsmix
“You just gotta improvise, Lisa!” 

So I sucked it up and made the damn recipe, “Protein-Packed Rice Bowl” by Hello Fresh. Protein-packed is REALLY a stretch for a rice bowl with no typical vegetarian proteins in it. It had some cashews, but just as a topping. It should have been called Veggie Fried Rice Bowl (But Without the Fried Egg Part). It was just fried rice with green beans, corn, and carrots.

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The first instruction was to toast the cashews. They wanted me to use up a whole cookie sheet! To toast some nuts! Ridiculous. Can you imagine the wasted cleaning time if I wasn’t the kind of person who just puts down tin foil and never washes her bake ware?! Pfft.

I talk a big game for someone who almost fucked this recipe up entirely. First, it said to cook the rice but did not mention rice to water ratio at all. That’s a hefty thing to assume, that I would know how to cook rice. I have a rice cooker but I decided to go old-fashioned for some dumb reason and it took forEVER

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this is why I bought a rice cooker, sob

Then, the instructions said to chop the green onions into 1 inch bits and it didn’t say anything about the green beans, which I thought was weird. It also said I only needed to use half the can of corn and made some silly comment about “the rest of the can is on us!” hahhaha thanks for that, it really makes this $27 fried rice worth it to know I got extra corn. I didn’t know what the hell I’d do with half a can of corn so I used all of it.

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It was around this time that I realized I done fucked up. Looking back at the directions I realized I was supposed to chop the beeeeans into inch strips and “thinly slice” the green onions. DON’T SKIM RECIPES, CHILDREN.

Once I hastily broke up the green beans with a dull knife it looked a lot better. The directions said “toss” a lot, like I had a wok which I don’t. ALSO it came with an unpeeled carrot. I DO have a peeler but… I don’t feel like that’s a common item. On hello fresh’s FAQs it says all you need to provide from your own kitchen is”salt, pepper, and a good oil” LIES – it’s assuming you have all sort of weird kitchen things and also a working knowledge of strange cooking terms (“lug”, “drizzle”, “just cook the rice, I’m sure you know how”)

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lookit all the seedssss

Anyhoo, despite all this, it was a decent recipe. Michael liked it. And since I used all the corn it was an okay amount too. ALL IN ALL I give it 6 Tippys out of 10.

🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢_ _ _ _

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One thought on “Protein Rice Bowl (Hello Fresh review #3)

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