Meal Preppin’: A Transcript

This post brought to you by all the advice I’ve gotten on meal prepping/planning since I’ve started this blog. I am taking some of the ideas and trying to make breakfast and lunch for the rest of the week.

Me: Okay, here we go.

Gins: What’s “here we go”?

Me: Here we go like, I’m writing the blog. I’m bad at typing on your computer.

Gins: Can you freeze pancakes? Let’s make pancakes!

Me: I think I keep hitting the tab key on accident.

Gins: It’s a touch screen, are you touching the screen?

Me: It’s a WHAT

Gins: I’M NEVER COOKING THIS MUCH CHICKEN AGAIN

20160117_165002_HDR
Ginny refuses to be photographed candidly!! What a diva!!

Okay now for the recipes!!

Ginny’s Chicky Chicks Pulled Chicken Chicken with Chili (AND GARLIC)
– Chicken breasts (6)
– Chili powder (2oz)
– Garlic powder (1oz)
– Salt (dash)

Me: Ginny, for the meat eaters, would you please share your chicky chick chicken recipe with me.

Gins: I will. First, you take your chicky chicks, and you.. the recipe that I got from the Pioneer Woman-

Me: Wait, the Pioneer Woman?! What is that.

Gins: It’s a website. Are you gonna link to it?

Me: If I figure out how (NOTE: I DID IT HERE IS THE LINK)

Gins: So the Pioneer Woman says to rub them in chili powder. But I am a rebel without a cause, therefore I rubbed the chicky chicks in a mix of chili AND garlic powder

Me: Wowww, I wonder what the Pioneer Woman would have to say about that

Gins: Then, you cook it. In a pan. With oil.

Me: Is that it?!

Gins: Then you… chop it up! But if you want PULLED chicken… you pull the chicken with two forks, then you put it back in that fryin’ pan with some tomato sauce! And sriracha because you’re not a monster. And some beer if you’re feeling like you have some beer to spare… not today. No beer to spare! All for my belly. Then you put in your face hole. Or your burritos. Or your freezer. It’s very important that you listen to Taylor Swift while this happens.

Me: Granted.

Ginny’s Freezeritos 20160117_180541_HDR
– Medium onions (2, diced)
– Canned tomatoes (1)
– Canned corn (1)
– Canned black beans (1)
– Canned refried beans (1)
– Chopped spinach (approx. half a cup)
– Minute brown rice (2 cups)
– Flour tortillas (10 extra large)
– Wax paper

Me: I came up with the name. So. You’re welcome. Okay, Ginny, now this is a classic Washington DC recipe, is it not?

Gins: Clearly

Me: Heritage, etc. (NOTE: It took me three tries to spell that)

Gins: I feel like we need to be doing it while we explain the process.

Me: Rawrrr

Gins: Tell the readers my conundrum!

Me: I had to put a sexy joke in there

Gins: What.

Me: Ginny’s problem conundrum is that she only has one pan and it has chicken in it

Gins: No, I have MANY pans. This is just the BIGGEST. You know, I could use a different pan. *cleans the stove*

Me: Wow, you clean the stove after everything you cook?

Gins: I’m trying to be courteous to you because the mess was covered in chicken! You might not know this, but you’re a vegetarian

Me: I don’t think my readers knew that so thank you. (NOTE: Vegetarians love it when YOU bring up that they’re vegetarians because it makes them seem humble) Okay, so what do we do first?

Gins: Let’s chop some onions.. like two. It’s my professional opinion that you can never have too many onions. Now put them in the pot with the oil!

Me: Done.

Gins: … Did you turn the heat on?

Me: ..No?

Gins: Um, do you think they are going to cook themselves??

Me: You didn’t tell me to turn it on! Maybe the onions needed to soak!

Gins: What are you talking about!

Me: UGH, you are so mean. This mean conversation is going in the blog.

Gins: I think I only own one spoon, wait, I don’t think this is my spoon.

Me: Should I toss in the canned corn and tomatoes?

Ginny: Once the onions have cooked a liiiiittle bit. You diced these onions so finely! Okay, I’ll put in the corn and tomatoes now.. I want to wait to add the black beans because I want the rice to have lots of liquid to cook in. This box of Minute brown rice is 14 oz… I think I’ll add two cups of rice. The interesting thing about you writing these recipes down is that I just make them up! And I have no idea if they’re good or bad.

Me: THAT’S WHAT COOKING IS ALL ABOUT…?

Gins: Come taste this and tell me if the rice is cooking. It’s boiling. Alright, it’s bean time! Why is the paper towel in your mouth?

Me: Because I need my hands to type.

Ginny’s Pumpkin Water Pancakes 20160117_182523_HDR-1
– Pumpkin puree (3 cups)
– Water (3 cups)
– Vinegar (5 tablespoons)
– Oil (same amount as vinegar)
– Flour (approx. 5 cups)
– Brown sugar (6 tablespoons)
– Various spices (dash)
– Chocolate chips (to taste)

Gins: Hmm… the internet recipe calls for only a cup of pumpkin.. this can is 3 cups. I think I’ll just triple the recipe, what would I do with extra pumpkin?

Me: Granted

Gins: Water is the same as milk, right?

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Fun Fact: That is not Gins’ Steelers jersey

Me: Definitely!!

Gins: I added enough for the pumpkin not to seem dry… two dollops. Oil and vinegar?? Why would I put vinegar in these pancakes?! Okay… well I’m following a recipe, but not very well. I think I put in 6 tablespoons of oil. It calls for two but… you know it called for one cup of pumpkin and I put in more than three.. and it called for 3 and a half cups of milk so I put in 3 and half cups of … you know, water. What kind of vinegar? Probably not balsamic. I think my regular vinegar is in the bathroom. Three HEAPING spoonfuls of vinegar, eh? Whoops, I added five!

Me: This smells REALLY vinegary.

Gins: Okay, I’m just not following the recipe at all now. The dry ingredients are flour, brown sugar, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, ginger, and salt. And also I added vanilla to the wet ingredients because I could. A dash, that’s the amount. I have a conservation of volume issue! There is way more dry ingredient than wet. Argh, look its already a normal pancake consistency and there’s so much pumpkin left over!! You lied earlier, you didn’t say “this smells really vinegary!”

Me: I did so. You weren’t in the room.

Gins: …

Me: …

Gins: Put that in the blog. We’re definitely gonna need more beers if we’re gonna make the rest of these pancakes. We’re gonna be making pancakes for the next twelve hours. *blows into beer bottle and laughs hysterically and hits me with thingie, spatula* See, you can microwave these pancakes every morning for a fraction of the cost of Eggo’s! And hours and hours of labor.

Modified Teacher 3 Oatmeal 20160117_175714_HDR
(Recipe is for each one-day container)
– Old-fashioned oats (half cup)
– Water (1 cup)
– Flax seed (2 tablespoons)
– Honey (1 tablespoons)
– Cinnamon (a shakes worth?)
– Frozen fruit (like 4 blackberries, a strawberry or two and I think mango? IDK it’s a bag)

Gins: I have been cooking for so long, I am having trouble with my senses. I just reached into the chocolate chip bag and thought I got burned. I didn’t, it was just room-temperature plastic.

Me: Okay, this recipe was actually kinda easy because there was no cooking involved.

Gins: NO COOKING?

Me: That’s right! I just put all the ingredients in five tubs for next week.

Gins: But Kaila, what did you do before you were able to put the things in the things?

Me: *baffled expression* What the hell fuck you mean

Gins: I MEAAAN… how long did it take you to wash the newly bought containers?

Me: Fuck you. Fuck you, I say it again.

Gins: *blows into beer bottle and laughs hysterically* Did I ever tell you about – it’s not hysterical!!!

Me: Anyway, I don’t like bananas, and I don’t really like peanut butter. So my “sugar” is the honey, and my peanut butter is the flax seed. Also, all my mason jars currently have things growing in them. Purposely. Not like mold. Like sprouted onions. Because I am a pinterest board. So I broke my own “no plastic” tupperware rule and bought this 5-pack of plastic tubs for $2.49 at Safeway. Money over morals, yall.

Ginny also made chili in a slow cooker but I am too tired to type more and we need to get some more beer.

Gins: *Nodding* We do. OH CRAP MY PANCAKES

The pancakes were burned.

THE END.

NEXT TIME: I actually explain meal planning?

 

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