Oatmeal Jars: A Transcript

This post brought to you by the student who keeps forgetting to bring in the ONE material they need to do their science fair experiment.

Me: Okay, I am asking my friend about making oatmeal in jars for breakfast because everyone says its cheap and easy

mason jars
From Morgue File’s Scarletina (in case you don’t know what a mason jar looks like)

Teacher 2: Not everybody says that. No I wanted a funny name! Stop it!

Goddess: She’s the Hoe. I’m Goddess. No, I mean DHOH Da Hoh because she’s the Deaf and Hard of Hearing teacher.

Teacher 2: I don’t consent to being Da Hoh. I don’t want to be on your blog anymore, it’s not fun.

Teacher 4: I thought we were gonna hear about oatmeal

Teacher 3 (Oatmeal Expert): So in the morning, I wake up. And I go to the kitchen and boil water. It’s easier if you have an electric kettle.

Me: Sounds fake but okay

Teacher 3: Then I get the mason jars out, I do two, because of Patrick. I put half a cup of “old fashioned oats” in each mason jar

Me: What the hell is old fashioned oats mean

Goddess: Not instant

Teacher 4: I actually knew that

Goddess: I have some that I have, that someone gave me, and I don’t eat oatmeal and you can have it

Me: Why are you in this oatmeal seminar if you don’t like oatmeal, Goddess?

Goddess: *shrugging* I’ve eaten it.

Teacher 4: Kaila, are you gonna have time to eat your lunch today?

Teacher 3: Then I put a cup of the hot water on top of the oats, this is old fashioned, regular oats, not fancy

Teacher 2: She said “quick-cooking” NOT “fancy”

Me: Argh

Teacher 3: Then I put the lid on the jar and then I’m ready for the day. This is at 6:20, I’m doing the oats then. I making my coffee, I’m making lunch. I make more coffee. So at 6:50, it’s been half an hour, I take a banana. Well, I open the jar, I shake in cinnamon, I put in some banana. Okay this is where it gets fancy. (NOTE: She actually said fancy this time), I put the jar on a scale and I add 32 grams of peanut butter AT MOST. Today, it was 12 grams because I ran out.

Teacher 2: Macros

Teacher 5: I want to add something to this

Teacher 3: Now here’s the trick: I close it up, I bring it to work. At work, I take the lid off and I microwave it for one minute.

Me: You can microwave glass? Wait, that was stupid. I just microwaved glass like ten minutes ago.

Teacher 3: That’s where these ~*~**~cloth sandwich bags~*~*~ (NOTE: emphasis added) come in handy. Use a towel, Kaila! I stir it in TA and eat it in TA. BOOM breakfast.

Me: Are you claiming, that this is cheaper than eggo’s?????

Student: (from the doorway) I’m done with my test

Me: ….????

Teacher 3: Yes, it’s definitely cheaper than eggo’s. Think about it, a huge thing of oatmeal costs about $3.00 and it’s 19 servings, so if you’re making it for Michael it’s 19/2. Times 5? You know, math! There are five days in a week. And then bananas, not that expensive! And you’re only using one banana a day if you’re making it for both of you. And then, I don’t know, a big thing of cinnamon! The banana IS the sugar-

Me: Whoaaaa, wait. Okay, um, sure. Let’s say that.

Teacher 3: *whispering* Sometimes I add prunes.

Me: For that fiberrrrr.

Teacher 3: Yeaaaah, keeps you regular!

Me: Okay, now we’re surrounded by students, literally. HI students!

Students: *silent*

Me: I want to say, for the record, that Teacher 3 calls this recipe The Elvis.


NOTE: I did not have time to eat my lunch.

NEXT TIME: The Check Engine Light Adventure



6 thoughts on “Oatmeal Jars: A Transcript

  1. As Teacher 3’s “Patrick” I have to wonder how you got such an accurate transcript. Very impressive. Teacher 3’s personality really comes through. For the record, I eat my half of the banana plain, in the kitchen while packing my lunch at 8:30am. I put a tablespoon of brown sugar and several shakes of cinnamon in my mason jar – no bananas, no peanut butter, no prunes. I’m more of a spoonful of plain peanut butter as a snack kinda guy. I eat my oatmeal around noon…microwave for a minute and carry the jar to my desk…..no fancy cloth bag/pot holder/heat pad needed. Definitely cheaper and healthier than Eggos. And just as delicious. Thank you, Teacher 3, for measuring oats and hot water into a mason jar each morning. Also, we just switched to plastic lids…..the traditional metal jars eventually rust.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You can also make a large batch once a week. Steel cut gets better with age supposedly. I had a friend that did this at school. He would cook enough for him and his gf. Make ten jars and just grab and reheat them each morning.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just saying, I hate oatmeal and also don’t have time for that nonsense not do I own mason jars, but I’ve been pre-making and freezing oatmeal bars (hint: they’re pretty much oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, but healthier!) and then in the morning I microwave them for 30 seconds and put them in my face hole.
    Teacher 700

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Eggie muffins (I don’t know what else to call them) are also a really good breakfast to make on the weekend and bring in all week. I just beat a bunch of eggs and some cheese and veggies in a bowl then pour into greased muffin tin and bake 30 at 350. Then just baggie and heat when you want to eat! Proteeeein!


  5. iPad half a cup of oatmeal with water in the microwave and hear it every morning. Then dump fresh Berries and Nuts on it. Then eat at my desk during TA. Cheap, yummy and somewhat healthy 🙂


  6. I’ve been doing this thing lately where I leave oatmeal in milk overnight then blender it in the morning with strawberries and bananas. But then I think my coworkers are starting to wonder why I keep drinking what looks like pureed entrails every morning.


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