This post brought to you by the student who keeps forgetting to bring in the ONE material they need to do their science fair experiment.
Me: Okay, I am asking my friend about making oatmeal in jars for breakfast because everyone says its cheap and easy
Teacher 2: Not everybody says that. No I wanted a funny name! Stop it!
Goddess: She’s the Hoe. I’m Goddess. No, I mean DHOH Da Hoh because she’s the Deaf and Hard of Hearing teacher.
Teacher 2: I don’t consent to being Da Hoh. I don’t want to be on your blog anymore, it’s not fun.
Teacher 4: I thought we were gonna hear about oatmeal
Teacher 3 (Oatmeal Expert): So in the morning, I wake up. And I go to the kitchen and boil water. It’s easier if you have an electric kettle.
Me: Sounds fake but okay
Teacher 3: Then I get the mason jars out, I do two, because of Patrick. I put half a cup of “old fashioned oats” in each mason jar
Me: What the hell is old fashioned oats mean
Goddess: Not instant
Teacher 4: I actually knew that
Goddess: I have some that I have, that someone gave me, and I don’t eat oatmeal and you can have it
Me: Why are you in this oatmeal seminar if you don’t like oatmeal, Goddess?
Goddess: *shrugging* I’ve eaten it.
Teacher 4: Kaila, are you gonna have time to eat your lunch today?
Teacher 3: Then I put a cup of the hot water on top of the oats, this is old fashioned, regular oats, not fancy
Teacher 2: She said “quick-cooking” NOT “fancy”
Teacher 3: Then I put the lid on the jar and then I’m ready for the day. This is at 6:20, I’m doing the oats then. I making my coffee, I’m making lunch. I make more coffee. So at 6:50, it’s been half an hour, I take a banana. Well, I open the jar, I shake in cinnamon, I put in some banana. Okay this is where it gets fancy. (NOTE: She actually said fancy this time), I put the jar on a scale and I add 32 grams of peanut butter AT MOST. Today, it was 12 grams because I ran out.
Teacher 2: Macros
Teacher 5: I want to add something to this
Teacher 3: Now here’s the trick: I close it up, I bring it to work. At work, I take the lid off and I microwave it for one minute.
Me: You can microwave glass? Wait, that was stupid. I just microwaved glass like ten minutes ago.
Teacher 3: That’s where these ~*~**~cloth sandwich bags~*~*~ (NOTE: emphasis added) come in handy. Use a towel, Kaila! I stir it in TA and eat it in TA. BOOM breakfast.
Me: Are you claiming, that this is cheaper than eggo’s?????
Student: (from the doorway) I’m done with my test
Teacher 3: Yes, it’s definitely cheaper than eggo’s. Think about it, a huge thing of oatmeal costs about $3.00 and it’s 19 servings, so if you’re making it for Michael it’s 19/2. Times 5? You know, math! There are five days in a week. And then bananas, not that expensive! And you’re only using one banana a day if you’re making it for both of you. And then, I don’t know, a big thing of cinnamon! The banana IS the sugar-
Me: Whoaaaa, wait. Okay, um, sure. Let’s say that.
Teacher 3: *whispering* Sometimes I add prunes.
Me: For that fiberrrrr.
Teacher 3: Yeaaaah, keeps you regular!
Me: Okay, now we’re surrounded by students, literally. HI students!
Me: I want to say, for the record, that Teacher 3 calls this recipe The Elvis.
NOTE: I did not have time to eat my lunch.
NEXT TIME: The Check Engine Light Adventure