Bread Ends

Today, I was tasked with just another one of the endless problems in my life. Namely: do I have to eat the end pieces of this loaf of bread.

I am writing this post in a co-worker’s classroom.

Teacher 1: “It’s called the ‘butt’ of the bread”

Teacher 2: “I don’t like butts”

Anyway. For context: my boyfriend and I are on a budget. He got it from a book and he did all the math that was necessary because he’s amazing. Basically, it posits that 50% of your monthly salary should be spent on essentials (rent, groceries, medications, etc.), 20% should be put into savings, and 30% can be spent on non-essentials (alcohol, eating out/delivery/takeout, clothes, etc. We call this “fun money”). I just want to say that, for the record, it was not my idea to put alcohol in the “non-essentials” category over the “groceries” category.

We are already over our weekly grocery budget for the month AND I REITERATE that this is NOT INCLUDING alcohol. Not to mention, we have both been eating sandwiches for lunch and different formats of pasta at night. And various processed pastries for breakfast. How could be possibly be over our grocery budget? Where can we cut back? I refuse – REFUSE – to prepare breakfast in the morning, and (despite all the time I spend on Pinterest) I am not prepared to put steel cut oats in mason jars. I’m just not on that level.

Teacher 3: “I like big butts and I cannot lie. Hey, put that in your blog post!”

In any case, this isn’t going to be the best “lifestyle” blog. Because I’m only good at giving advice in person, that’s where I’m an EXPERT in bullshitting. Something about typing into this box and rereading it obsessively prevents me from pretending like I’m NOT stress-eating three blueberry Eggo’s every morning. Joke. It’s about four. SO HERE GOES.

Oh also, I made the sandwich with the butt of the bread. It was fine.

NEXT TIME: All the horrifying drinks I’ve been making with the alcohol that’s already in the apartment.

 

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